It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You smell like a Billy Joel song
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
