Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
