we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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