The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
