The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
