no, he came in my armpit
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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