And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
