Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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