apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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