So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
