Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
