So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
