i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
