We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
