"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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