I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize