what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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