Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
