Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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