bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
