it's too hot outside to masturbate.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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