Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize