How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
