are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
