Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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