i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
this just has baby written all over it
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
