Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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