Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
