my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
