5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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