the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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