im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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