Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
