i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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