He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
whose parrot is this?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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