you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
