i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
