Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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