you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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