she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
