so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize