Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
