I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
