The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
