My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
