i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
