Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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