I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
