I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
