now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
