I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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