I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize