OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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