I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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