Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
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