Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
