I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
