My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
