I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
