I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
