I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
