i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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