I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
