you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
