I'm so fucking centered right now
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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