The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
