The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
me + whiskey = a bad person
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize