So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
