Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.

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(443): View more from Maryland

he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off

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(807): View more from Ontario

at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.

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(314): View more from Missouri

New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?

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(512): View more from Texas

I just really need a hug and a shower beer

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(540): View more from Virginia

The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.

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(915): View more from Texas

God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.

(713): View more from Texas

You always say the most romantic things

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(850): View more from Florida

i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up

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