the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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