after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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