The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
