Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
