Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
