You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
