Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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